Thursday, October 25, 2007

Disappointment

My relationship is fucked up. It's heartbreaking since I prematuredly went around declaring that I might have found The One. It is non-existant and I am delusional. I always put myself second for the past 2 months. I realised now it was a mistake since Jujhar who claimed how much he loves me actually said "if you want to break, I dont mind".

I picked up an Element weekend issue the other day. Scorpio horoscope says:

"The city of Vienna, Austria, with a 66% rate of divorce will soon hold a 2-day "divorce fair" where 20 vendors of divorce and post-divorce services will set up shop. Scorpio, I am afraid you might have to attend that convention. Quite frankly, I think this guy/girl just isnt the right person for you at all. In fact, I think they plain suck and might end up hurting you very badly if you give them the opportunity. You have really picked up a lemon this time. Your protests of "actually he is much sweeter than you think" and "shes not just hot, shes smart too" dont fool me for a minute. Get out now, so you can enjoy whats up ahead- its just gotta be better than this!".

Imagine my shock at the freaky coincidence. This column applies to the both of us because Jujhar's a Scorpio as well. He was apologetic when we spoke but honestly, it felt as though he just wanted to end the conversation. I really dont understand how busy IS busy until he wouldnt sms me!! From bombarding my Inbox (in the beginning) to a few and now down to none! Isnt he interested to know how am I doing anymore?

Things have changed after CLP results. I kinda knew that he doesnt need me. Not even for comfort. When he failed, he resorted to hanging out with his best friends instead of talking to me about it. Later, he was confused about his career options but he never told me details. Fine. He explained that hes the kind of guy who prefers to sort out his own problems by himself. SO?? That doesnt give him the slightest excuse to neglect me! Anyways long story short, I am putting an end to this so-called "relationship that is in for the long run". Long run my ass. It was a mistake. The 3 weeks we spent together was wonderful. Only memories now.

I was depressed for 2 weeks. I never really showed it because I tried to be as understanding as I could. Work comes first. But enough is enough. So much for telling my best friends that I am happy with Jujhar. Let me rephrase- I WAS happy with Jujhar. When he apologised, he said because he never had a girlfriend before.. thats why he isnt tactful and then he would explain that it used to be just his gang, mamak and then go home. Good. Now he can continue his lifestyle with his gang, mamak and then go home.

Jujhar doesnt deserve me!!! Idiot.