Saturday, June 09, 2007

Move On

I havent been thinking about Khalid for a while. After he left UK, he did call me once from home. I dont know how to write about my feelings on our relationship but I pretty much made up my mind that I shouldnt hold on to something empty in my hands. I am ready to let go of him now.

Khalid IS a very nice guy. I dont even mind him fathering my kid (of course he refused and thought I was crazy). Hes got a potential wife and wedding in plan. No way he will ever fight for me because he is too much of a filial son. I dont want him to anyways. Why wreck other people's happiness to gain mine? Tsk.. tskk.. THAT aint my style.

A couple of times he told me that he felt that I have changed. Like I am not as nice as before. I dont deny that I have less affection for him because he always whines over the phone. Hes stressed, bored, tired etc. His life as a law student is stagnant. There isnt much for him to tell me apart from missing me and the times we spent together. I wont see him anytime soon and chances are, not ever again. It bites whenever he says he cant wait to finish his studies and leave UK for good. That marks the end of us. I dont want to wait until then. Might as well I call its quits now.

I am an undeclared item. It was funny how he said once "Well.. I dont know! You are my what? Girlfriend? Mistress? Uhhmmm.. you are a nice girl I really care about". I totally accepted the fact that we are futureless from the beginning. I have better chances going out with some fella from the hostel but I didnt mind. Khalid is very sweet and I enjoy being with him. I dont know. Maybe the novelty of traveling and the effort and every other reasons have worn off.

Maybe because reality shook me hard recently. I want to focused on solid stuff and not chasing after some fairytales. This was a good one though. I thought about how I should break the news to him, when and how he would respond to it. But knowing his character, he might be sad for a while then he will accept it like how he accepts everything else. Plus we were never really together, together.. I guess nothing official is necessary.

No comments: