Sunday, May 07, 2006

Last Hours

The 3rd time we had to go through this. Dreading to leave Favell House. Sha was damn tired but she came downstairs to hang out with us. We tried to watch The Wild which Khalid just dl-ed but halfway, Sha went to Nick's room to sleep. Left the both of us to cuddle (miss that so much)

Well. Whatever emotions that went haywired was very uncalled for. I guess the saying "when there is expectation, there is disappointment" quite applies. I really enjoyed my trip this time, every single hour spent with Khalid even by doing nothing was worth it. So what really went wrong was that I realise that he likes me alot and love many things about me. It hurts to know that he doesnt love me as in me, ME :(

It bugged him when I refuse to tell what was wrong with me, what wasnt I willing to tell him. Till it was time to head out, I bid Goodbyes to Sha and Nick in the next room. Only Khalid came to send me off. He was telling me jokes, making fun of anonymous men to keep my smile. But about half and hour before the bus arrived, I broke out/down to him. I dont think I am very smart at all *sighh*

I told him I dont think I will come back to Bristol. He asked why. I told him how I felt about us and wish there was more. Its true that I have returned twice for him and now he come for me in Russia. He joked a bit about getting lost and I laughed. Khalid makes me laugh and I love it when he does. Actually I was surprised when he asked if I would come back even when he asks me to. He apologised and held me tight. Was it stupid of me to tell him at such a crucial time?

When the bus arrived, we uploaded my luggage. Stood by the side, hugging. I cant really recall what happened except Khalid kept saying that he failed. I wished him luck for his exams. He scoffed, "Failed in life but do well in exam, yeah". For some reason, his sarcasm made me smile. I shrugged at being together in our future but he said he was sure that its all good. In fact he confessed again that he really meant it when he said "Its hard to imagine future without you". This line REALLY touched me when I heard it. I bit him on his left cheek, it became swollen immediately. I didnt bite to hurt him, just want him badly!

When the bus turned around the corner, our eyes met and we waved Goodbyes. That was a really sad view. I swear I would have forced the bus driver to stop to let me out! When Khalid said "Maybe you will come to Marketgate or maybe you wont but who knows, who knows". In my mind I pictured myself in his new flat :)

I miss him, I miss Khalid soooooooooo much!

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